As most of you may have realized by now, I am married but my husband and I live in different countries. We will be married for 3 years next March, which is a considerable amount of time, come to think of it, especially when spent apart. For that reason, I am asked the same question quite often: “how do you guys make it work?. The answer is not simple and sometimes I just feel that we just do… Most of it is played by ear and every day is a learning curve and although I don’t think there is a formula (after all, everyone is different), I have made a list of tips and ideas on how we make it work.
- Trust – There needs to be trust at all times but I guess this goes without saying.
- Time – You need to make time every day to check up on your loved one, even if it’s just for 5 minutes. It’s important to know they are still there and that they too want to know that you’re there too. Plus with the internet bringing all of us closer there really is no excuse not to call. Skype is free, after all.
- Meeting – Plan your meetings in advance, as often as possible, preferably in interesting places you can explore together. I live in a small uninteresting place so for that reason I don’t expect him to come over and visit me here as there is nothing too exciting for us to do. For that reason we prefer to prolong our honey moon and spend good quality time together when we can in new places.
- Until next time – In my experience, one of the worst things that can happen is to say goodbye without knowing when we will see each other again. Travelling isn’t cheap but having an idea of when you will be able to meet next helps you keep focused on that goal instead of despairing that you won’t see each other ever again.
- Talk – About your plans for your next meeting, talk about your day, your new favourite film… Sharing ideas and learning new interests is the best fuel for relationships, more so if all you can do is… talk.
- Love – Saying ‘I love you’ doesn’t cost a thing and you can say it as many times as you want. Don’t be a cheapskate with your love and say it often… and mean it!
- Conflict – Avoid arguing on the internet. It can be hard to hold your tongue when you’re unhappy but when you can’t talk face to face, misunderstanding is bound to happen… and what started as a drop will turn into an ocean.
These are the ideas I have learned in these last few years. How about you? Are you in a long distance relationship? What are your suggestions?
I really feel for you, it must be incredibly hard for both of you. Thanks for sharing those tips, they work well with long distance friendships, too! xxx
Yeah, it’s not easy but we get by, somehow!
Wow, must be really hard, but when you love each other, you will work through anything and it can make you stronger. Good for you, so cool. Many people just give up over distance problems or something else that’s so minor in comparison to this and I think it’s bullshizz…but this shows the test of real love…am pleased for you & long may it continue!! xx
This was such an interesting and true post. My boyfriend lives about 3 hours away from me, so we have to plan when we are going to see each other all the time. I really agree with all your points here, especially the one about not arguing over the internet but waiting until you can talk things out face to face. We’ve agreed to do that and it has saved us so much trouble. Awesome post.
Thank you. I am glad that you found my words insightful 🙂
I was in a long distance relationship with Mr.A for years, with some short periods when we lived together. It was hard, but it was not an option!, we needed to work and earn money to live!. And now we’re living together in a place we like, after so many adventures!
I think your advices are really fabulous, particularly what you’ve written about focusing on your next date!
I’m glad to hear that I’m not the only one and that you managed to get together in the end 🙂
Such a sweet post. I’m so impressed with how you love birds manage to make it work! ♥
Thank you 🙂 I’m impressed myself!
Great post Sara! I can imagine how difficult it can be especially now that most people are so distrusting nowadays because of whatsapp, FB etc. In the end the relationship you have with another reflects the self love and relationship you have with yourself.
In some ways I think a long distance relationship is great as it makes you appreciate and focus on the good even more. Some people don’t realize the great partner they have when they see him/her every day but they do once that person is out of their lives. Your time with your hubby is precious which makes you bring out the best of you both every time in my opinion and it’s a great learning curve!
Hope you can live together soon and explore that side of your relationship but I think now you’re creating a wonderful foundation for your relationship to work 😀
Thank you 🙂 I’m very glad you liked it.
I agree with you, being separated makes us focus on the good things and not waste too much time bickering 🙂
I spend 24 hours a day with my husband, so I have no idea how you manage.
I suppose we do and amanage what we have to.
You do well.
True. We do what we have to 🙂
I hope that you will be reunited in the near future! There’s no greater test of love and trust than distance but you guys have clearly found a way to make it work.
So far so good!
nao querendo ser muito pessoal, ha alguma razao para nao estarem no mesmo pais?
lembro me de um post teu sobre o facto de nao dar para ele vir ao UK (senao me engano) e achei ridiculo.. tantas burocracias e paneleirices.. :/
mas é de louvar, e voces fazem um casal tao giroo <3333
ja tive numa relaçao a distancia (lisboa-porto) e resultava, exactamente pelos mesmos factores que mencionaste, mas estragou tudo quando finalmente começamos a viver juntos (nao so isso claro, eramos muito diferentes, mas tb foi um factor)
Burocracias. Ele nao sendo um cidadao da Uniao Europeia nao pode vir para ca so porque sim… 🙁
I was in a long distance relationship for almost 2 years a while ago- We were together 5 years – 3 in Montreal and 2 long distance
He was from the UK working in Montreal for 6 years , and then transfered to DC- i admit it was hard –
But It work well most of the time, i saw him often, talked on the phone often, no skype then
We split up cause we didn’t really have a plan plus i had 2 young kids at the time and was a bit younger than me –
That’s life i guess!
It’s life indeed. We just do what we have to do, isn’t it?
Hi Sara, I’m just catching up on my blog reading as I was preparing for my trip and arrived in the U.K. yesterday. These are excellent tips. As you know, I live in the States and my bf lives in the UK, so we have a situation similar to yours. I don’t have any tips to add as I think you’ve covered the most important.
I’m glad you agree – it’s always nice to hear the opinions of people in the same situation!