My guide for men who never get replies on dating sites and wonder why

January 22, 2015
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Being a single gal in London isn’t easy, especially if most of your time is taken by work and blogging, both somewhat unavoidable. The rest of the time is spent with friends and occasionally drooling over some TV show on Netflix, when my old carcass feels too tired to actually move.

That said, male companionship is something that would be nice to add onto that list if things I’d like to spend my time on. I tried Tinder (“I’m going down, I’m yelling Tindeeeerrrr“), failed and was about to give up on the whole dating concept altogether when Urban Social came along. They offered me membership for free, so I could try it out and write a review. I thought it would be an interesting sociological experiment – if nothing else – and gave it a try. I filled in my profile, added a few photos (used the one that proved very popular on Tinder), and there I went.

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Since I signed up for Urban Social, I have received many messages from a lot of different people. I am very busy and it’s hard to be able to at least send a thanks but no thanks message to everyone – trust me, I’ve been inundated. There were a few gems here and there but I feel bad for everyone else, I’m sure that most men will be really nice and honest but just there isn’t enough time to talk to everyone. I’ve come to realise that there are a few things that I look for to help with the triage. Gentlemen, if you want to really catch someone’s attention and increase your chances of ladies responding to you, I have a few suggestions based on my recent experience, so read on!

It has to be said that even before my photos and profile information were up some eager beavers were already sending me messages.

First piece of advice to you guys out there: while ‘early bird gets the worm‘ can be considered good advice in a lot of things in life, doing this on a dating website doesn’t look good. It meant to me that you didn’t really care about me as a person, only for the fact that I was a woman. I didn’t reply to these.

Post nice photos of yourself. By nice, I mean clear and non blurry and openly show your face. Doesn’t have to be taken professionally (although that wouldn’t hurt, but easy on the cheese).

If possible have more than one photo. Please avoid group photos (which one is you?), or photos with your children. I know they are your pride and joy and come with the package but it can look a bit weird. Also think about this, should you really have pictures of the kids out there on the Internet?

Fill in your profile with useful and accurate information about yourself, and please avoid just adding generic things like ‘I am looking for a lady’ or ‘I am really nice’. That helps to find out if we can potentially have something in common. Why should I respond to someone when I have no indication we have at least one thing that we can talk about? Even if you’re good looking, I’m getting too old to go on a date with anyone who won’t be able to have a decent conversation over a glass of wine – we are looking to make a connection here, even if we just end up becoming really good friends!

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Writing a personalised message is more likely to get at least a polite response, especially if you show that you took your time reading the details of who I am and what I’m about. I can see through your generic ‘one size fits all’ message and I can tell that you sent the same one to a bunch of other girls. Some might even get back to you after this, but to me, it’s a no no.

Don’t address us ladies that you’ve never met as honey or darling… I’m not your honey nor your darling! Manners matter, in online dating as much as in everything else.

Don’t send out generic “romantic” poems or declarations of true love. We’ve never met and assuming that this kind if thing will work for any woman is a bit silly. It certainly doesn’t work for me.

Likewise, telling me that you want to make me your princess or present me with a fat diamond is incredibly condescending. I am not looking to become a princess, I expect to be treated with respect and as an equal.

If you actually bother to write something about yourself, take some time to read about the women you are interested in and send a message that reflects just that, you’re most likely to get responses. Also, if you do spend some time completing your profile, you might even find that some ladies may even take the initiative and message you themselves! (Hooray for Women’s Lib!)

As with anything, there are some great people out there waiting for you to find them, just don’t give up. Use code URBAN50 to try Urban Social for half price until the end of the month of January. Hurry!

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Urban Social was born over a decade ago by friends who weren’t happy with the offerings on the dating websites they had tried. It won Best New Dating Blog in November ’14,  at the UK Dating Awards and are expanding to Australia and USA this year, and will also be launching Urbansocial Mature and Urbansocial for Single Parents in 2015.

As mentioned before, free membership was offered to me, words and opinions are my own. 

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  • Reply PinkCheetahVintage January 22, 2015 at 17:06

    I’ve never been on an online dating site, but I have tons of friends that have successfully used them and found the “one” and were married. I’m horrible at dating! I’d probably be just as bad at meeting people online as I am in real life.

    • Reply Mrs. D January 22, 2015 at 20:49

      Yes, I have a few friends that have done the same thing, so there is always hope 🙂

  • Reply Joey Santiago February 17, 2015 at 01:46

    I love the black and white pictures!

    • Reply Mrs. D February 17, 2015 at 11:45

      Thank you Mr PUA!

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