Life – Don’t be so hard on yourself

You may have noticed that I am posting a lot less and when I do, it’s mostly photos. This is because I have been struggling with health issues (my energy levels haven’t been quite the same) but also because I’ve been making a few changed around here.

You see, when you go through a life-changing situation, you become a cliche. I know I have become one and because of that, have been re-evaluating a lot of things about my life and I have decided that I just wasn’t happy with the way things were going and the cancer was kind of the kick in the butt to actually do something about it. At least, something positive came out of it, no?

I have just realised that the first quarter of the year is gone and because I’ve spent at least one month off work while finishing my treatments, it feels like time has flown by and not much has been accomplished, as sometimes things don’t feel like they have evolved much. That might be only on appearance as I think I have started sowing the seeds of change for the future. I started thinking about what I have been able to accomplish so far this year and realised it wasn’t so bad, after all:

• Stopped drinking energy drinks. I hate coffee and was using them as a caffeine fix, which became all too frequent.
• Started drawing regularly again. I’m now reworking magazine pages with markers and collage and kind of like the end result:

• Started cooking healthier food (all the greens!) and packing lunches more regularly. Being broke and spending more time at home does this to you!
• Made decisions for the future – where I want to be and what I want to be doing in 5 years. It’s all very clear now, for the first time in a long time.
• Finished the worst part of my cancer treatment. After 20 sessions, radiotherapy is done and dusted, now I have to look forward to 5 years of meds and regular checkups. Onwards and upwards!
• Learned how to give myself subcutaneous injections and did them for some 2 weeks.
• After those two weeks of injecting myself with hormones that left me an emotional wreck, I managed to get 9 eggs frozen, just in case.
• Have now accepted what I really want from a relationship. Having been dumped once again (long story), made me think about all the time and energy I’ve been wasting. Another reminder that I should be “wasting” my time on myself, I suppose. Better off alone than with the wrong person!
• Stopped buying shoes (except for that pair I got as a consolation prize for being once again single on Valentines Day).
• Started blogging more for myself rather than for other people. My time and energy feel more precious than ever and I’d rather spend it on what makes me feel happy/accomplished.
• Started blogging less and making more time for my art.

• Started a little print shop on Society 6. I have only added one drawing on there so far but I’ll build it up as I go.
• Increased and nearly doubled my Instagram following compared to the end of last year. Might not seem too important but at 4.2K, I’ve been getting some pretty good engagement and feedback.
• Started and finished crocheting a big blanket.

• Changed some habits and started saving more money.
• Decided to get rid of most of my big and uncomfortable high heels – I never wear them and probably never will again, give me sneakers and flats every day now. This year I must have given away/thrown out over 20 pairs of shoes. There are still plenty more to go!
• Decided to part with a lot of magazines in my collection – I never have time to look at them anyway… I’m now turning some of them into artwork. At least, they’re being useful!
• KondoMari’d all of my drawers. Look at that!

• Was invited to be the art editor for Bloggeration (an online magazine for bloggers) and wrote two pieces for them so far.
• Wrote and illustrated a piece on social media for bloggers for Talented Talkers.
• Became a contributor to Hourglass Magazine, a tea themed online magazine that is still in the works but promises to be a fun project to be involved with.
• Started collaborating with my friend Ross on his drag projects and have been happily practising my photography skills on drag queens. Step aside, Nan Goldin! I will share these when we can go public with them.
• Started editing and planning a documentary I made some filming for in Bergen, Norway last year. It’s going to be super funny!
• Made plans for a colouring book project that I will add to Kickstarter. It’s on my to-do list now and every now and then I add details to it. The worst part is done, which was coming up with a good idea. Now I that I have it, all I need is the time and the energy to set it in motion.
• Had some stickers made with my Satan Kitty character, which I hope to start spreading around soon. How do you like them?

All of this while trying to keep doing my full-time job (sometimes fatigue makes it very hard to do anything) and trying to maintain a reasonably healthy social life. Even though sometimes having no energy makes me feel quite deflated, after thinking about all of this makes me realise that I did do a lot of interesting things during the past 3 months and that I may be too hard on myself. Adapting to new energy levels can be a frustrating process but it’s something I am now learning. Bottom line is, sometimes you can only do so much and that is OK.

Are you hard on yourself too?