Valentine’s ideas for hopeless singletons (like me)

Valentines’ Day, that date that was invented by Hallmark and florists to make some extra money… that date that was invented to make most people feel inadequate – whether you are in a relationship or not! As I am currently single and in all honesty never seen a cliche’ romantic Valentine’s day in my 37 years of life, I think it’s all a bit of a ruse. Call me bitter and all that, if you like. Last year I tried to do something nice for my (ex) husband, this year I’m making a list of things and ideas that would be a lot more useful for us singles than cards, flowers or diamond rings. Feel free to gift me any of the things on this list on any day of the year, because being nice and considerate should be an all year round thing!

– Take Yourself Out – Go watch 50 Shades of Grey or something, I’m sure it’ll be a laugh. Extra points if you wear a gimp mask.

– Celebrate Galantines instead – This time a Parks and Recreation invention, it is the day you spend with your girlfriends.

– Ryan Gosling Body Pillow – I’m not sure if these actually exist (if I can think of it, it probably does). A quick Google search proved that yes, it does exist and you can buy it on Etsy. Advantages of a pillow Gosling over a real Gosling: it doesn’t snore, fart or pester you for sex too early in the morning on weekends. (The image says it all).

– A Back Scratcher – We all need our back scratched occasionally, a back scratcher is perfect for those of us who don’t have anyone to do it for us.

– A Badly ‘Shopped Pic of Me and Ryan Gosling – If guys can do it, so can I. No one can tell it’s not real!

– Ryan Gosling Nail Decals – Why look at ugly guys around you when you can just stare down at your nails? (I see a Ryan Gosling pattern forming here).

– A 10 Year Contract – My friend Kristian and I signed a contract recently – as we have no hope in finding a long term partner and as we are such good friends and don’t want to die alone, we have decided that we will get married in 10 years, if until then we don’t find anyone. We shall see how that goes, I’ll let you know in 10 years. For now I will have to learn Norwegian so I can move there.

All jokes aside, I hope everyone has a good day, regardless of being single, in a relationship or semi attached. The important thing is to be happy 🙂